Memory Loss

Hi, Yup I called this page "memory loss". No, I'm not into my senior years yet either. :) The books or pages that I have read all call this syptom memory loss but I would characterize it more as "word hide and seek".

Sometimes you might find yourself talking to someone and right in the middle of the sentence you suddenly stop. As you try to find the next word that you want, you notice that everyone is watching and waiting in suspense as if your pause will lead to something profound. lol Then just as quickly as the word "hid" from your memory, it comes jumping back into it.

"Oh ya," you say, "townhouses!!! yes that's what they are called", you exclaim.

Well so much for profound. lolol The first time this happens you might feel like you have suddenly lost your mind but believe me, over time as it happens more often, you might learn to make a joke about it. Everyone partaking in the conversation laughs and then goes on with the conversation. That's how it looks on the outside.

On the inside though, I felt stupid, embarrassed, and self concious. (Even as I write this blog I have to pause quite often to find the words that play "hide and seek" in my mind.)

My family all understand and have now, after 4 years, began to accept it as part of who I am now. I am not sure if those who read this blog have children or grandchildren, but it turns out that children are the most understanding and least judgemental about this disorder. My grand-daughter is included in that category.

As a result of this inner game of "hide and seek", I find myself avoiding groups of people who are haveing a conversation. I am not that big on group settings as it is, and this just makes it even more of a challenge for me. I find myself appologizing when I can't find a word, (as if it's actually my fault - which it isn't.) For me, I often get mad or frustrated at myself when I can't find a word because words played a big part in my creativity. I used to write poems, as my web site will demonstrate, and I used to write short stories or keep a journal of sorts. Now though, I find it frustrating that the words will not come to me as quickly as they used to before. Like most things, if it is something that causes stress or frustration, I tend to stray away from it.

That is how that particular symptom has affected me. Well, as far as I can remember at the moment that is. LOLOL

Have a wonderful day and God Bless.