Anxiety

Good morning. Hey guess what? I didn't know that anxiety was one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia but it is. I have been prone to anxiety attacks my whole life so I just thought Fibro symptoms were something I could add to the plate.

I remember the doctor asked me, years ago, if I was anxious on a day to day basis. My answer was, "compared to................?". I didn't know what to compare my normal state of mind to what he called anxious. I think I am anxious almost all of the time but certain things spike my anxiety level to a degree that I actually notice it.

I still am not sure what high anxiety is. I mean, besides not being able to breath and crying so hard that I can't get out any more than the first sound of a word. I guess that is high anxiety. Does anxiety cause phobias or do phobias cause anxiety? That question I would like to have answered one day. Maybe it is just the anticipation of the phobia manifesting itself which causes anxiety. I am still not sure, even to this day.

Well I am famous for looking up the definition of a word and then applying it to myself. The dictionary says "painful uneasiness of mind over an anticipated event" or "abnormal apprehension and fear often accompanied by physiological signs, by doubt about the nature and reality of the threat itself, and by self-doubt". So, did I hit the nail on the head or what? I had a good guess. lololol That being the case I would like someone to clarify what normal apprehension looks like vs abnormal.

Well definition 1 sounds like it would fall under the phobia umbrella but maybe they are closely linked. None the less, one follows the other. Some days I am not even sure which feeling is the leader and which is the follower.

Let me list things I am apprehensive about then. (For me it's normal apprehension but compared to...................?) I think most of these things are things everyone is apprehensive about but I could be wrong. lolol Well, 1) going out of my confort zone physically in case something should go wrong. Like, I don't know, getting lost maybe............... (memory loss). 2) Worrying, and many things can fall under that category. Even though I know God says not to worry because he takes care of all his creatures, even the birds. Hmmm Maybe if I was a bird I wouldn't have such anxiety. :)

But seriously, I know God is taking care of me, but in an anxious state, it seems to easily slip my mind. 3) I think of things that cause me anxiety and I keep going back to phobias so this is a tough excersize I have created for myself here. Oh, Oh, yes, answering a question wrong, in a public setting or confidently answering a question (let's say in an interactive church setting) only to find out that that is no where near what the pastor had in mind. Is that anxiety or a phobia? 4) Being asked to do something that I am not familiar with, hence the chances of failing are very high. Well I managed to come up with 4. Not bad for 6:30 am AND doing an excersize I had not originally intended to do. That's ok, maybe that's part of having a blog; asking yourself the tough questions.

On that note I will close. I don't like to drag on for a long time and lose your interest. :) I will write more again either later or tomorrow. Hey for all you Canadians HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!