Wednesday, November 28, 2007
cold days lately
Hi there. It has been so cold lately and breezy. It's hard to get a chance to go outside. I need to go for a few things but I sure try not to go outside. For me the issue is moving air. I know that sounds strange but none the less, it is true. I am not too bad if I stay indoors all day. The other day, about 4 nights ago, the pain was so bad, it was all I could do to just try and think. I am glad I don't have too many days like that. Today was ok so I thought I would write a bit here just to let people know that I am doing ok.
Saturday, November 24, 2007
Broken sleep
Hi again. Changes, changes, changes. Someone once asked me if the pain ever woke me up at night. I remember the answer was, "No, the sleeping meds help me sleep though the night". I never had felt the pain at night until the last 3 nights. When it began, I remembered that someone had asked me that question. Now, I have no idea what to do about it. LOL I guess just go with it like everything else and learn to have a longer day.
I never re-read the post from the other day so I can't remember the topic so I am just going with what today is like. It's 6 am and it still feels like a train crashed into me. I have listed the symptoms of Fibromyalgia on here but not of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Lately I have felt my entire body ache. You know, like when you have the flu? Well, its like that all the time now. This body feels so heavy when I lay down that it feels like I am lifting bricks just to move my arm from one spot to the other. Is that part of CRF? or another symptom of Fibro? I'm not sure myself. Iwill have to check.
I know that weather and stress can all aggrivate Fibro and yesterday was a day like that. It's cold and damp here this time of year which does us no favors. My computer crashed a number of days ago but the monitor was fine. Well that is, until yesterday when it too, crashed.
There was a total misunderstanding in communication about my new monitor, which did not help. I thought that she said I could use this monitor for 2 weeks to see if it did the same things as my old monitor. (Thus establishing that the CPU was the problem and not my monitor). I understood that if the problem was my monitor then I would pay for this one and keep it. If the problem turned out to be the CPU that I just bought, they would fix that. Well, long story short, I went to the store to do just that when upon going to leave, the manager told me that nothing can leave the store without being paid for. I explained the deal and we both agreed that there was a communication error. Apparently what the lady meant by "you can use this monitor for 2 weeks" was that after I paid for it....... blah blah. A very important part of that sentance left out, don't you think. LOL
None the less, feeling rather stupid (which happens often enough these days I should be used to it), I said "oh ya that makes sense". Me having owned my own store in the past, should have known that. I also never had Fibro fog when I owned my store and I could think. I have always had what I call "brain freeze" when presented with a situation that is unfamiliar to me so add Fibro fog + brain freeze and you get "a deer stuck in car headlights" reaction. Well suffice to say, I bought the monitor since I don't recall an option B beging presented to me. To make matters worse, my daughters boyfriend who was being very helpful and generous, had offered me my daughters old monitor so that I wouldn't have to buy a new one. (This was before checkout when I realized I misunderstood the original deal). I said to him, "That's something to think about after I take this one home for 2 weeks and if it doesn't keep crashing like my other one, then I will know it's the CPU's fault and I can use my daughters monitor". See, I thought I would be able to return it, having sorted out which piece of hardware was the problem. Well as you can see, it didn't turn out that way. So, now I feel that he (who really doesn't know me since they have only been together a short time) thinks that I figuratively slapped him in the face by not accepting his offer. I like my new LCD monitor though and will keep it. I will just find a way to explain to him that I am not pretending to be broke. LOLOL I just didn't have an option B. Plus, now I am broke. LOLOL
I have an ebay store, which you may already know if you linked here from my store. Since my Fibro has gotten worse I am seriously deciding to sell my stock and close the store. I don't have the energy anymore to offer the kind of service that I want to. I also don't have the physical ability to keep it going either. I will see how I feel as my stock dwindles down.
Other than that, yesterday was an average day. LOLOLOL I went to a meeting where we talked about past memories but that is a whole other topic in and of itself.
So on that note, I will give my fingers a break and sign off for the day. Have a wonderful one and I will blog to you later. :)
I never re-read the post from the other day so I can't remember the topic so I am just going with what today is like. It's 6 am and it still feels like a train crashed into me. I have listed the symptoms of Fibromyalgia on here but not of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. Lately I have felt my entire body ache. You know, like when you have the flu? Well, its like that all the time now. This body feels so heavy when I lay down that it feels like I am lifting bricks just to move my arm from one spot to the other. Is that part of CRF? or another symptom of Fibro? I'm not sure myself. Iwill have to check.
I know that weather and stress can all aggrivate Fibro and yesterday was a day like that. It's cold and damp here this time of year which does us no favors. My computer crashed a number of days ago but the monitor was fine. Well that is, until yesterday when it too, crashed.
There was a total misunderstanding in communication about my new monitor, which did not help. I thought that she said I could use this monitor for 2 weeks to see if it did the same things as my old monitor. (Thus establishing that the CPU was the problem and not my monitor). I understood that if the problem was my monitor then I would pay for this one and keep it. If the problem turned out to be the CPU that I just bought, they would fix that. Well, long story short, I went to the store to do just that when upon going to leave, the manager told me that nothing can leave the store without being paid for. I explained the deal and we both agreed that there was a communication error. Apparently what the lady meant by "you can use this monitor for 2 weeks" was that after I paid for it....... blah blah. A very important part of that sentance left out, don't you think. LOL
None the less, feeling rather stupid (which happens often enough these days I should be used to it), I said "oh ya that makes sense". Me having owned my own store in the past, should have known that. I also never had Fibro fog when I owned my store and I could think. I have always had what I call "brain freeze" when presented with a situation that is unfamiliar to me so add Fibro fog + brain freeze and you get "a deer stuck in car headlights" reaction. Well suffice to say, I bought the monitor since I don't recall an option B beging presented to me. To make matters worse, my daughters boyfriend who was being very helpful and generous, had offered me my daughters old monitor so that I wouldn't have to buy a new one. (This was before checkout when I realized I misunderstood the original deal). I said to him, "That's something to think about after I take this one home for 2 weeks and if it doesn't keep crashing like my other one, then I will know it's the CPU's fault and I can use my daughters monitor". See, I thought I would be able to return it, having sorted out which piece of hardware was the problem. Well as you can see, it didn't turn out that way. So, now I feel that he (who really doesn't know me since they have only been together a short time) thinks that I figuratively slapped him in the face by not accepting his offer. I like my new LCD monitor though and will keep it. I will just find a way to explain to him that I am not pretending to be broke. LOLOL I just didn't have an option B. Plus, now I am broke. LOLOL
I have an ebay store, which you may already know if you linked here from my store. Since my Fibro has gotten worse I am seriously deciding to sell my stock and close the store. I don't have the energy anymore to offer the kind of service that I want to. I also don't have the physical ability to keep it going either. I will see how I feel as my stock dwindles down.
Other than that, yesterday was an average day. LOLOLOL I went to a meeting where we talked about past memories but that is a whole other topic in and of itself.
So on that note, I will give my fingers a break and sign off for the day. Have a wonderful one and I will blog to you later. :)
Thursday, November 22, 2007
New ache spots
Hi there. I know its been a while since we wrote here but it seems this cold weather is very difficult. There are tender points on your body that Fibro is supposed to affect the worst. I don't have them memorized because really, in this case, it's everywhere. None the less, I never had pain in the neck, (lol) or the lower back until this week.
It's a new symptom for me. The constant unrelenting ache that is persistance throughout my whole body is new as well. For the most part I have been staying in bed and taking pain meds. There hasn't been much time to write in here. Sorry about that, for those who do check from time to time.
I try to cover a symptom each time I write and I guess I just did. What category would that fall into I wonder? "Widespread pain" maybe. It should be called widespread pain inducing intense frustration. That's mostly what I feel when the pain hits.
I am frustrated that I am, I don't know, 40 something I guess, and many days I barely can walk. There is something completely wrong with that. I used to work 3 jobs and never stopped long enough to even think and now all I do is think. Hobbies, yes. We do scrapbooking when we can but even that we had to quit the cutting part out. Unless you scrapbook its hard to explain the machines that I use but mostly now I sell stickers. (In case you checked out the ebay store).
Yesterday was the first time I had a hard time doing up the buttons on my shirt. That has never happened before either. Now THAT is disturbing to me. Greatly.
I am making small albums for Christmas for my family and I have a passion and commitment to scrapbook the Book of Revelations. I find it a wonderfully descriptive chapter and I am loving looking up the history and scrapbooking the pictures so it is fascinating to see it come to life.
Oh and while I am at it, did I mention memory loss? Man. Talk about a pain. I drove to a meeting today (Thursday) and about 3/4 of the way there, I had this strange feeling that today was not Friday (which is when the meeting is; every second week). Sure enough, I got there and no one was around. Now, you say, oh well just go tomorrow. Good thing you weren't a day late. What are the odds that tomorrow I will remember it. LOLOLOL Oh the joys of having a mind that only works when it feels like it.
And we cry. A lot. I wonder if some of it is greiving for what was lost, for what could have been? I mean, besides crying because that invisible knife just insists on stabbing my body whenever it takes a mind to do it. I don't do the feeling sorry for myself. I refuse to do that but it certainly is difficult some days to hide the pain. Anyways since I am in the mood to write I don't want to bore you or make this too long. I will continue tomorrow.
thanks for taking the time to read this. Feel continue to feel free to email me with any comments.
Twila
It's a new symptom for me. The constant unrelenting ache that is persistance throughout my whole body is new as well. For the most part I have been staying in bed and taking pain meds. There hasn't been much time to write in here. Sorry about that, for those who do check from time to time.
I try to cover a symptom each time I write and I guess I just did. What category would that fall into I wonder? "Widespread pain" maybe. It should be called widespread pain inducing intense frustration. That's mostly what I feel when the pain hits.
I am frustrated that I am, I don't know, 40 something I guess, and many days I barely can walk. There is something completely wrong with that. I used to work 3 jobs and never stopped long enough to even think and now all I do is think. Hobbies, yes. We do scrapbooking when we can but even that we had to quit the cutting part out. Unless you scrapbook its hard to explain the machines that I use but mostly now I sell stickers. (In case you checked out the ebay store).
Yesterday was the first time I had a hard time doing up the buttons on my shirt. That has never happened before either. Now THAT is disturbing to me. Greatly.
I am making small albums for Christmas for my family and I have a passion and commitment to scrapbook the Book of Revelations. I find it a wonderfully descriptive chapter and I am loving looking up the history and scrapbooking the pictures so it is fascinating to see it come to life.
Oh and while I am at it, did I mention memory loss? Man. Talk about a pain. I drove to a meeting today (Thursday) and about 3/4 of the way there, I had this strange feeling that today was not Friday (which is when the meeting is; every second week). Sure enough, I got there and no one was around. Now, you say, oh well just go tomorrow. Good thing you weren't a day late. What are the odds that tomorrow I will remember it. LOLOLOL Oh the joys of having a mind that only works when it feels like it.
And we cry. A lot. I wonder if some of it is greiving for what was lost, for what could have been? I mean, besides crying because that invisible knife just insists on stabbing my body whenever it takes a mind to do it. I don't do the feeling sorry for myself. I refuse to do that but it certainly is difficult some days to hide the pain. Anyways since I am in the mood to write I don't want to bore you or make this too long. I will continue tomorrow.
thanks for taking the time to read this. Feel continue to feel free to email me with any comments.
Twila
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Morning Stiffness and more
Hi there. It has been a while since I wrote in here. I am sorry about that. It's the cold season here and besides depression, the pain makes it quite hard to get out of bed and carry on with the day.
One of the symptoms is morning stiffness. Have you ever woken up and tried to get out of bed, only to find that overnight your body feels like it has aged 50 years? Well, that's how it feels some mornings. The best thing though, is that some days you wake up and it feels like you went through a time machine which put you back to your natural age and you can just jump out of bed. A contrast hey? That's the trick with Fibromyalgia. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Many mornings I wake up and "mentally feel" my body to see how it feels before I even try to move.
Does my body want to move? Do I have a headace? Did I get enough sleep? Those are the first thoughts in the morning. That is, I mean, after I think to myself, "How long will it take me to walk to the bathroom this morning"? LOL
The weather and Fibro go together flame and fire. They are almost equals. I have had many people ask me how I am doing and after a quick answer, they feel compelled to tell me the latest news on arthritus. Meaning well of course, people do care very much. Fibromyalgia is a very complicated and varied disorder. Someone asked me last week what Fibro is and I always pause to try and find the shortest answer. What I am finding that I do say first is, "well, it's like arthritis but then add in migraines, sleeplessness, over all body pain, muscle spasms etc". Most people don't know that. Many people assume it is just arthritis to the 'enth' degree.
I was involved in a conversation last week which involved talking about how depression can be eleaved by doing volunteer work, or going for a walk, or doing some journalling. Needless to say, I just got more depressed. lol I was talking with people who do not have Firbro so they did not realize nor understand that (me, at least) because of Fibro can't go for walks because the wind literally hurts my body, journaling requires constant movement of my knuckles which doesn't last very long. Lastly and what I find the most sad is that in order to work, volunteer or even keep an ongoing friendship there has to be some sort of consistancy. Unfortunately there is none with Fibro. Let me quickly explain.
In regards to working: There is no way to guarentee that I can fullfill the schedule set, never mind doing the physical part of working. With Fibro fog it makes it impossible to do the mental part of working because words are hard for me to find, instructions get lost somewhere in that mixed up brain of mine. I am not one to make a commitment if I can't keep it so for me, work is not an option.
In regards to Volunteer work where the schedule is not as consistant, it is still difficult for me. For me volunteer work, it is still a commitment and people in that world out there, need to have a few days scheduled ahead of time. I totally understand that because I too, am the same way. I have just resigned myself to the fact that I can't plan for events like that anymore.
In regards to friendships. That subject is the toughest for me. Even people who know me very well, may not understand Fibro or remember that it is such a huge factor in my life. Like most people these days, my friends are quite busy and have all got those appointment books. When I mention going for coffee next week they check their books to see what their schedule is. I can understand that. That used to be me. Unfortunately though it doesn't work like that anymore. I can't promise that "a week from Friday at noon" I will be physically available. For me that is a great loss because rather than constantly having to rescedule or even take the chance that I might be ok that day, I just simply say that I will call them closer to the day. It's a huge change in what I was used to.
I had a volunteer job actually. Until a few weeks ago I was teaching children who were having English as a second language. Very sadly I had to drop that because I couldn't schedule the next session with consistancy because I never know how I will feel day to day. Sometimes, hour by hour.
Don't get me wrong though. It sounds like I am sure complaining a lot. In many ways I have a right to complain but these symptoms are not the same for everyone and I want to respect that about those who read my blog. If you can volunteer, journal, go for a walk or any of the above, then awesome! I encourage you to go ahead and go for the gold!! I respectfully applaud all those with Fibro who can and do as much as they can.
Speaking of fingers and journaling and the like. I can't continue......... says my wrists. LOL The throbbing pain tells me it is time to sign off. I will try and make an appearance more frequently though.
God Bless and have a safe day.
One of the symptoms is morning stiffness. Have you ever woken up and tried to get out of bed, only to find that overnight your body feels like it has aged 50 years? Well, that's how it feels some mornings. The best thing though, is that some days you wake up and it feels like you went through a time machine which put you back to your natural age and you can just jump out of bed. A contrast hey? That's the trick with Fibromyalgia. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Many mornings I wake up and "mentally feel" my body to see how it feels before I even try to move.
Does my body want to move? Do I have a headace? Did I get enough sleep? Those are the first thoughts in the morning. That is, I mean, after I think to myself, "How long will it take me to walk to the bathroom this morning"? LOL
The weather and Fibro go together flame and fire. They are almost equals. I have had many people ask me how I am doing and after a quick answer, they feel compelled to tell me the latest news on arthritus. Meaning well of course, people do care very much. Fibromyalgia is a very complicated and varied disorder. Someone asked me last week what Fibro is and I always pause to try and find the shortest answer. What I am finding that I do say first is, "well, it's like arthritis but then add in migraines, sleeplessness, over all body pain, muscle spasms etc". Most people don't know that. Many people assume it is just arthritis to the 'enth' degree.
I was involved in a conversation last week which involved talking about how depression can be eleaved by doing volunteer work, or going for a walk, or doing some journalling. Needless to say, I just got more depressed. lol I was talking with people who do not have Firbro so they did not realize nor understand that (me, at least) because of Fibro can't go for walks because the wind literally hurts my body, journaling requires constant movement of my knuckles which doesn't last very long. Lastly and what I find the most sad is that in order to work, volunteer or even keep an ongoing friendship there has to be some sort of consistancy. Unfortunately there is none with Fibro. Let me quickly explain.
In regards to working: There is no way to guarentee that I can fullfill the schedule set, never mind doing the physical part of working. With Fibro fog it makes it impossible to do the mental part of working because words are hard for me to find, instructions get lost somewhere in that mixed up brain of mine. I am not one to make a commitment if I can't keep it so for me, work is not an option.
In regards to Volunteer work where the schedule is not as consistant, it is still difficult for me. For me volunteer work, it is still a commitment and people in that world out there, need to have a few days scheduled ahead of time. I totally understand that because I too, am the same way. I have just resigned myself to the fact that I can't plan for events like that anymore.
In regards to friendships. That subject is the toughest for me. Even people who know me very well, may not understand Fibro or remember that it is such a huge factor in my life. Like most people these days, my friends are quite busy and have all got those appointment books. When I mention going for coffee next week they check their books to see what their schedule is. I can understand that. That used to be me. Unfortunately though it doesn't work like that anymore. I can't promise that "a week from Friday at noon" I will be physically available. For me that is a great loss because rather than constantly having to rescedule or even take the chance that I might be ok that day, I just simply say that I will call them closer to the day. It's a huge change in what I was used to.
I had a volunteer job actually. Until a few weeks ago I was teaching children who were having English as a second language. Very sadly I had to drop that because I couldn't schedule the next session with consistancy because I never know how I will feel day to day. Sometimes, hour by hour.
Don't get me wrong though. It sounds like I am sure complaining a lot. In many ways I have a right to complain but these symptoms are not the same for everyone and I want to respect that about those who read my blog. If you can volunteer, journal, go for a walk or any of the above, then awesome! I encourage you to go ahead and go for the gold!! I respectfully applaud all those with Fibro who can and do as much as they can.
Speaking of fingers and journaling and the like. I can't continue......... says my wrists. LOL The throbbing pain tells me it is time to sign off. I will try and make an appearance more frequently though.
God Bless and have a safe day.
Saturday, October 27, 2007
Depression again
Hi there. I know I already covered this topic but it is definately a struggle for me. I have "work" I need to do but no desire to get going on it. I tried watching t.v but Saturday's don't have much on them. I am not sure if I am depressed or just extremely tired. Tomorrow is Sunday and I always enjoy going to church but as of right now, I am not sure I want to go. I scrapbook as a hobby and have some pictures sitting on the table, but no energy to start the project. The desire is there because I want to make something for christmas coming up but I would just rather sleep.
So there is a list of symptoms. lol If anyone reads this and has a response I sure would appreciate hearing it. Right now I am going to lay down.
So there is a list of symptoms. lol If anyone reads this and has a response I sure would appreciate hearing it. Right now I am going to lay down.
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Dizziness: Meds or Symptoms
Well we will see if this appears twice. I wrote about this and saved it but it never appeared so here I try it again.
Dizziness isn't one of those symptoms I have a lot of. I tend to blame it on my meds but after some reading, maybe it's a combination of meds and symptoms of Fibromyalgia.
Someone asked me last week, "Does anyone think that you are drunk?" I answered that I have no idea. No one has ever commented on my bouts of "imbalance". I take them for granted and so does my family. At least I think they do. No one mentions it but maybe it's one of those things that people are self consious to talk about. None the less, I certainly am not drunk. lol
What I do find interesting however, is when I am in the mall (or any public place) and I get a stabbing pain in my knee or ankle. I usually fall to the ground since the pain renders my ankle or knee useless. As the pain lingers for 20 seconds or so I just sit on the floor until it passes. While I am sitting on the floor holding either my knee or my ankle and controlling my great frustration at this symptom, people continue to walk on by. Maybe they do think I am drunk, lol, and don't want to approach me. Hey, I never thought of it that way.
That's the degree of dizziness that I deal with as far as symptoms go but each person with Fibromyalgia suffers different side affects and to very different degrees. There is no one set of symptoms that run "across the board".
On that note, my wrists have done all they can do for now so I will add a bit more tomorrow.
God Bless and have a wonderful day wether pain free or pain tolerant.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Dizziness isn't one of those symptoms I have a lot of. I tend to blame it on my meds but after some reading, maybe it's a combination of meds and symptoms of Fibromyalgia.
Someone asked me last week, "Does anyone think that you are drunk?" I answered that I have no idea. No one has ever commented on my bouts of "imbalance". I take them for granted and so does my family. At least I think they do. No one mentions it but maybe it's one of those things that people are self consious to talk about. None the less, I certainly am not drunk. lol
What I do find interesting however, is when I am in the mall (or any public place) and I get a stabbing pain in my knee or ankle. I usually fall to the ground since the pain renders my ankle or knee useless. As the pain lingers for 20 seconds or so I just sit on the floor until it passes. While I am sitting on the floor holding either my knee or my ankle and controlling my great frustration at this symptom, people continue to walk on by. Maybe they do think I am drunk, lol, and don't want to approach me. Hey, I never thought of it that way.
That's the degree of dizziness that I deal with as far as symptoms go but each person with Fibromyalgia suffers different side affects and to very different degrees. There is no one set of symptoms that run "across the board".
On that note, my wrists have done all they can do for now so I will add a bit more tomorrow.
God Bless and have a wonderful day wether pain free or pain tolerant.
Talk to you tomorrow.
Friday, October 19, 2007
It's been days
Good evening. It's been days since I wrote here. Why? Partly fatigue and partly pain in general. The weather is changing here and rain doesn't do me any favors either. That is the similarity with arthritis and Fibromyalgia. Another very annoying symptom of Fibro is memory fog, referred to as Fibrofog. I must admit that has to be the most annoying side affect (besides the pain itself) for me. I forget appointment dates and times. Yup, lol, I do have a daily appointment book and that helps but I have to remember to look at it every day. lololol I just sometimes want to pull the covers up over my head and sleep the day away but I force myself not to sleep the entire day away. I keep busy with my store and that alone seems to be my driving force to get out of bed most days. Headaches also have been plagueing me for the past week. I guess it's just been a bad week over all so I haven't written here.
My son and daughter both were in crisis situations at the same time and that almost never happens. They are both living on their own, of course, so the most effective that I can be is to listen. None the less it has been a long week.
On an up note though, I have begun to teach English reading skills to a family from another country. The trick now will be if I can keep any kind of schedule. One that is at least somewhat routine. Since I can't predict a bad day I can't guarentee that I will be feeling "up to" teaching on that day. If the pain is managable then I will go, but if, like today, I had a headache and overall body pain and had to be on meds, then it's impossible to try and teach. So, I will see how that goes and keep you informed.
It is late now so I want to relax some tonight and maybe try a scrapbooking page before bed but I wanted to just touch base and let people know that I have not forgotten this blog.
Talk to you all soon and thanks for stopping by. Twila :)
My son and daughter both were in crisis situations at the same time and that almost never happens. They are both living on their own, of course, so the most effective that I can be is to listen. None the less it has been a long week.
On an up note though, I have begun to teach English reading skills to a family from another country. The trick now will be if I can keep any kind of schedule. One that is at least somewhat routine. Since I can't predict a bad day I can't guarentee that I will be feeling "up to" teaching on that day. If the pain is managable then I will go, but if, like today, I had a headache and overall body pain and had to be on meds, then it's impossible to try and teach. So, I will see how that goes and keep you informed.
It is late now so I want to relax some tonight and maybe try a scrapbooking page before bed but I wanted to just touch base and let people know that I have not forgotten this blog.
Talk to you all soon and thanks for stopping by. Twila :)
Thursday, October 11, 2007
Fatigue
Hello there.
I haven't written in a few days because I have been very very tired. Fatigue is another common sympton of Fibromyalgia. I was at the grocery store today and while standing in the checkout I barely could stay on my feet, never mind stay awake.
Even with the walk home, I was exhausted when I got back. It's sort of like this feeling that overtakes me all of a sudden and I have to close my eyes and sleep. That, or take all of my energy to fight it off. I came home and had a nap for about 45 minutes and then woke up again.
I have felt tired all day even since then. I think it is stress that causes the fatigue to overcome me. As much as I try to take it one step at a time, it's hard to turn my mind off without the meds. Fortunately they work well for that and I try to get the sleep that I think I need. Often I sleep and then wake up just as tired as I was before so it doesn't help that much.
As a result, I tend to stay near home in case I get over tired and have to close my eyes. That is ok with me though, because I like to stay at home or near it. Well I am tired now so I will leave this note for the day and see how I am tomorrow.
Enjoy. Twila :)
I haven't written in a few days because I have been very very tired. Fatigue is another common sympton of Fibromyalgia. I was at the grocery store today and while standing in the checkout I barely could stay on my feet, never mind stay awake.
Even with the walk home, I was exhausted when I got back. It's sort of like this feeling that overtakes me all of a sudden and I have to close my eyes and sleep. That, or take all of my energy to fight it off. I came home and had a nap for about 45 minutes and then woke up again.
I have felt tired all day even since then. I think it is stress that causes the fatigue to overcome me. As much as I try to take it one step at a time, it's hard to turn my mind off without the meds. Fortunately they work well for that and I try to get the sleep that I think I need. Often I sleep and then wake up just as tired as I was before so it doesn't help that much.
As a result, I tend to stay near home in case I get over tired and have to close my eyes. That is ok with me though, because I like to stay at home or near it. Well I am tired now so I will leave this note for the day and see how I am tomorrow.
Enjoy. Twila :)
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Widespread Pain
Hi, well I think this symptom is pretty much a standard for Fibromyalgia. Widespread Hmmm. I know there are certain trigger points that help to diagnose Fibro but I think it would be a shorter list to state where it doesn't hurt. I put it so far back in my mind most days (except the stabbing pain which I can't ignore) that I don't even notice the ongoing pain until someone asks me how I am.
I think about it for a minute and realize that there are about 4 spots on my body that hurt on a continual basis. Par for the course is what I say. Lately it is my wrists and that could be very interruptive to my lifestyle since I use my wrists a lot to type.
I have pain meds but I really don't want to take them on a daily basis so I don't take them every day. The quick stabbing pain I get, I can sort of deal with. At first it was harder. Now though the pain lingers for about 15 seconds instead of 3 or 4 seconds. I know it doesn't sound long but if you remember burning yourself, you know how each second seems like forever. So these days I am just getting used to this new pain and then length of it.
It could easily be stress related and maybe when my son is doing better and my daughter's life settles down, it will be a bit better. I will have to wait and see. It will be about a month before I know for sure how things will be.
So for now, it's late as usual and I have taken my med so it is time to sleep. Good night for today.
Twila
I think about it for a minute and realize that there are about 4 spots on my body that hurt on a continual basis. Par for the course is what I say. Lately it is my wrists and that could be very interruptive to my lifestyle since I use my wrists a lot to type.
I have pain meds but I really don't want to take them on a daily basis so I don't take them every day. The quick stabbing pain I get, I can sort of deal with. At first it was harder. Now though the pain lingers for about 15 seconds instead of 3 or 4 seconds. I know it doesn't sound long but if you remember burning yourself, you know how each second seems like forever. So these days I am just getting used to this new pain and then length of it.
It could easily be stress related and maybe when my son is doing better and my daughter's life settles down, it will be a bit better. I will have to wait and see. It will be about a month before I know for sure how things will be.
So for now, it's late as usual and I have taken my med so it is time to sleep. Good night for today.
Twila
Monday, October 8, 2007
Anxiety
Good morning. Hey guess what? I didn't know that anxiety was one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia but it is. I have been prone to anxiety attacks my whole life so I just thought Fibro symptoms were something I could add to the plate.
I remember the doctor asked me, years ago, if I was anxious on a day to day basis. My answer was, "compared to................?". I didn't know what to compare my normal state of mind to what he called anxious. I think I am anxious almost all of the time but certain things spike my anxiety level to a degree that I actually notice it.
I still am not sure what high anxiety is. I mean, besides not being able to breath and crying so hard that I can't get out any more than the first sound of a word. I guess that is high anxiety. Does anxiety cause phobias or do phobias cause anxiety? That question I would like to have answered one day. Maybe it is just the anticipation of the phobia manifesting itself which causes anxiety. I am still not sure, even to this day.
Well I am famous for looking up the definition of a word and then applying it to myself. The dictionary says "painful uneasiness of mind over an anticipated event" or "abnormal apprehension and fear often accompanied by physiological signs, by doubt about the nature and reality of the threat itself, and by self-doubt". So, did I hit the nail on the head or what? I had a good guess. lololol That being the case I would like someone to clarify what normal apprehension looks like vs abnormal.
Well definition 1 sounds like it would fall under the phobia umbrella but maybe they are closely linked. None the less, one follows the other. Some days I am not even sure which feeling is the leader and which is the follower.
Let me list things I am apprehensive about then. (For me it's normal apprehension but compared to...................?) I think most of these things are things everyone is apprehensive about but I could be wrong. lolol Well, 1) going out of my confort zone physically in case something should go wrong. Like, I don't know, getting lost maybe............... (memory loss). 2) Worrying, and many things can fall under that category. Even though I know God says not to worry because he takes care of all his creatures, even the birds. Hmmm Maybe if I was a bird I wouldn't have such anxiety. :)
But seriously, I know God is taking care of me, but in an anxious state, it seems to easily slip my mind. 3) I think of things that cause me anxiety and I keep going back to phobias so this is a tough excersize I have created for myself here. Oh, Oh, yes, answering a question wrong, in a public setting or confidently answering a question (let's say in an interactive church setting) only to find out that that is no where near what the pastor had in mind. Is that anxiety or a phobia? 4) Being asked to do something that I am not familiar with, hence the chances of failing are very high. Well I managed to come up with 4. Not bad for 6:30 am AND doing an excersize I had not originally intended to do. That's ok, maybe that's part of having a blog; asking yourself the tough questions.
On that note I will close. I don't like to drag on for a long time and lose your interest. :) I will write more again either later or tomorrow. Hey for all you Canadians HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
I remember the doctor asked me, years ago, if I was anxious on a day to day basis. My answer was, "compared to................?". I didn't know what to compare my normal state of mind to what he called anxious. I think I am anxious almost all of the time but certain things spike my anxiety level to a degree that I actually notice it.
I still am not sure what high anxiety is. I mean, besides not being able to breath and crying so hard that I can't get out any more than the first sound of a word. I guess that is high anxiety. Does anxiety cause phobias or do phobias cause anxiety? That question I would like to have answered one day. Maybe it is just the anticipation of the phobia manifesting itself which causes anxiety. I am still not sure, even to this day.
Well I am famous for looking up the definition of a word and then applying it to myself. The dictionary says "painful uneasiness of mind over an anticipated event" or "abnormal apprehension and fear often accompanied by physiological signs, by doubt about the nature and reality of the threat itself, and by self-doubt". So, did I hit the nail on the head or what? I had a good guess. lololol That being the case I would like someone to clarify what normal apprehension looks like vs abnormal.
Well definition 1 sounds like it would fall under the phobia umbrella but maybe they are closely linked. None the less, one follows the other. Some days I am not even sure which feeling is the leader and which is the follower.
Let me list things I am apprehensive about then. (For me it's normal apprehension but compared to...................?) I think most of these things are things everyone is apprehensive about but I could be wrong. lolol Well, 1) going out of my confort zone physically in case something should go wrong. Like, I don't know, getting lost maybe............... (memory loss). 2) Worrying, and many things can fall under that category. Even though I know God says not to worry because he takes care of all his creatures, even the birds. Hmmm Maybe if I was a bird I wouldn't have such anxiety. :)
But seriously, I know God is taking care of me, but in an anxious state, it seems to easily slip my mind. 3) I think of things that cause me anxiety and I keep going back to phobias so this is a tough excersize I have created for myself here. Oh, Oh, yes, answering a question wrong, in a public setting or confidently answering a question (let's say in an interactive church setting) only to find out that that is no where near what the pastor had in mind. Is that anxiety or a phobia? 4) Being asked to do something that I am not familiar with, hence the chances of failing are very high. Well I managed to come up with 4. Not bad for 6:30 am AND doing an excersize I had not originally intended to do. That's ok, maybe that's part of having a blog; asking yourself the tough questions.
On that note I will close. I don't like to drag on for a long time and lose your interest. :) I will write more again either later or tomorrow. Hey for all you Canadians HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!
Friday, October 5, 2007
Sleep Disorders
Hello
Well it is the typical 2 am and I am waiting for my sleeping meds to take affect. A very very commen syptom of Fibro is the inability to fall asleep and to stay asleep. Having a good nights rest is important for your body to heal. Sleep levels have to reach levels 3 and 4 in order for your body to repair itself and get enough rest. For me, without the help of sleep medications, I actually don't get sleepy at all. That could be from years and years of working graveyard shift. I am not sure yet. None the less, without help I find myself watching the sun some up in the morning.
Also it is a very common for people with Fibromyalgia to have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) which causes leg twitches so bad that falling asleep is not an option. If feels like someone is twisting a rubber band inside your legs and then all of a sudden it lets go and your legs (sometimes arms) suddenly twitch and IF you happen to be close to sleeping, it wakes you up. The cycle then starts all over again. There are very good medications that your doctor can give you that will stop that pattern from happening and help you get a good nights sleep.
I am not working anymore but I think my body never got used to sleeping normal hours and then add in the fact that my mind won't stop once I lay my head down. Hitting the pillow seems to be a trigger for my brain to become as active as it can. lol It goes over the days events, the months events, and in my case the events on the news and can not find a way to relax and fall asleep. I am very grateful for the meds that I have that help me to sleep. If you get the same results from natural teas or the like, then that is awesome too. Whatever works.
I take my meds about 11 pm if I am not out doing something and they take about an hour to take affect. My med seems to fix both the RLS and the mind racing all at the same time.
Well speaking of........... it's now 2 am and maybe I should try and sleep. I did a few pages of my scrapbooking hobbie so time to lay down and let the T.V. put me to sleep.
Have a wonderful day tomorrow and hope it doesn't rain where you live.
Twila :)
Well it is the typical 2 am and I am waiting for my sleeping meds to take affect. A very very commen syptom of Fibro is the inability to fall asleep and to stay asleep. Having a good nights rest is important for your body to heal. Sleep levels have to reach levels 3 and 4 in order for your body to repair itself and get enough rest. For me, without the help of sleep medications, I actually don't get sleepy at all. That could be from years and years of working graveyard shift. I am not sure yet. None the less, without help I find myself watching the sun some up in the morning.
Also it is a very common for people with Fibromyalgia to have RLS (Restless Leg Syndrome) which causes leg twitches so bad that falling asleep is not an option. If feels like someone is twisting a rubber band inside your legs and then all of a sudden it lets go and your legs (sometimes arms) suddenly twitch and IF you happen to be close to sleeping, it wakes you up. The cycle then starts all over again. There are very good medications that your doctor can give you that will stop that pattern from happening and help you get a good nights sleep.
I am not working anymore but I think my body never got used to sleeping normal hours and then add in the fact that my mind won't stop once I lay my head down. Hitting the pillow seems to be a trigger for my brain to become as active as it can. lol It goes over the days events, the months events, and in my case the events on the news and can not find a way to relax and fall asleep. I am very grateful for the meds that I have that help me to sleep. If you get the same results from natural teas or the like, then that is awesome too. Whatever works.
I take my meds about 11 pm if I am not out doing something and they take about an hour to take affect. My med seems to fix both the RLS and the mind racing all at the same time.
Well speaking of........... it's now 2 am and maybe I should try and sleep. I did a few pages of my scrapbooking hobbie so time to lay down and let the T.V. put me to sleep.
Have a wonderful day tomorrow and hope it doesn't rain where you live.
Twila :)
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
Those pesky stabbing pains
Hello
Today is Wednesday and it has been an interesting day. The first half went ok because there was a bible study. Then the next half I spent sleeping. The last half was going fine until the stabbing pains began. People wonder what the cause of these are.
Well for me it's the wind or cold drafts. They are really starting to become a nuisance to me. They affect my every day life. I have a back pack that I bring with me everywhere and it contains my "survival gear". LOLOL I carry my slippers for my feet, ankle warmers for my ankles, wrist bands for my wrists, and usually a sweater. Sounds like a suitcase hey?
My granddaughter laughs because she says my body can tell us what the weather is going to be like. That seems to be the only symptom, so far, that I have found that is similiar with arthritis.
So, I will keep this short because that's my attention span this evening. Thanks to those reading this blog and I hope it helps.
Twila
(I had a comment from someone for this post but unfortunately it is in a language that I can not read so I can't post it. Thankyou though, to all those who read my blog)
Today is Wednesday and it has been an interesting day. The first half went ok because there was a bible study. Then the next half I spent sleeping. The last half was going fine until the stabbing pains began. People wonder what the cause of these are.
Well for me it's the wind or cold drafts. They are really starting to become a nuisance to me. They affect my every day life. I have a back pack that I bring with me everywhere and it contains my "survival gear". LOLOL I carry my slippers for my feet, ankle warmers for my ankles, wrist bands for my wrists, and usually a sweater. Sounds like a suitcase hey?
My granddaughter laughs because she says my body can tell us what the weather is going to be like. That seems to be the only symptom, so far, that I have found that is similiar with arthritis.
So, I will keep this short because that's my attention span this evening. Thanks to those reading this blog and I hope it helps.
Twila
(I had a comment from someone for this post but unfortunately it is in a language that I can not read so I can't post it. Thankyou though, to all those who read my blog)
Tuesday, October 2, 2007
New Day Migraine Free
Hello, today is Oct 2 and I think the headaches are gone. I haven't posted on here for some days since I wasn't feeling very well. It is very difficult to have a stress free day, never mind life. I don't think I took as many meds ever as I have taken in the last 2 days. It gets very hard to remain positive at times like that but I am hoping that as the days without headaches continue I can rebuild my faith. I pray on a continual basis but hey let's be honest. When your head is pounding and even crying makes it worse, a person kind of wonders if those prayers are going into thin air.
I heard someone the other day say that God never gives a person more than they can deal with. Well, the people that know me should all send God a little prayer and let him know that I am at my max now. :) I think God gives me entirely too much credit for what I can bare.
Speaking of prayer which I do on a regular basis. I have been asking myself that if I become closer to God, does that tick off the dark spirits and so since they can't attack me, they go after my children? It's a valid question I think. I have been pondering that for a few days now since my son is having such intense difficulties. If that is the case, what is the response to that? Do I quit praying? Do I quit studying and getting closer to God through Jesus, or do I stay stubborn and continue on my path? I haven't answered that question yet for myself.
When I watch my children's world's fall apart, or at least get turned upside down, I tend to get a bit stressed out. This particular thread may not have a direct relation to Fibromyalgia but that's whats on my mind the last few days. I wanted to write every day on here but just didn't have the energy. Hopefully now I can get back on track as I work through those questions and find some answers.
I heard someone the other day say that God never gives a person more than they can deal with. Well, the people that know me should all send God a little prayer and let him know that I am at my max now. :) I think God gives me entirely too much credit for what I can bare.
Speaking of prayer which I do on a regular basis. I have been asking myself that if I become closer to God, does that tick off the dark spirits and so since they can't attack me, they go after my children? It's a valid question I think. I have been pondering that for a few days now since my son is having such intense difficulties. If that is the case, what is the response to that? Do I quit praying? Do I quit studying and getting closer to God through Jesus, or do I stay stubborn and continue on my path? I haven't answered that question yet for myself.
When I watch my children's world's fall apart, or at least get turned upside down, I tend to get a bit stressed out. This particular thread may not have a direct relation to Fibromyalgia but that's whats on my mind the last few days. I wanted to write every day on here but just didn't have the energy. Hopefully now I can get back on track as I work through those questions and find some answers.
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
A little about Depression
Hello. I haven't written for a few days. Sorry about that. Depression is another very, very common side affect of Fibromyalgia. I think some depression comes from the loss of the independance that I once knew. Maybe it's the constant pain that gets me down after a while. Oh I try and stay positve and when I am out and around people I generally do alright. It's the nights and days when I am by myself when I feel free to cry and cry. I am not even exactly sure why I am crying except that there is an intense loss in my life. I have always been a very independant person and it is difficult to give that up.
My doctor says that realistically I will never work again so that by itself is a loss. Once the depression takes hold though, it's tough to talk about. I tend to think that people don't want to hear me "whin" about my problems. I also don't want to push my friends away because I am not the cheerful person that most people, I think would prefer.
I take medication for depression, as well as other disorders. I think the meds help me not to sink so low into the depressive state that I will never come out of it again.
I am going away for 4 days to the doctor to update my precriptions and get checked out. I will see if I can do a blog day for one of the days that I will be gone. I leave the night of the 25th and come back the night of the 27th. I guess that is only 2 days.
Well it's late where I am. I just wanted to post in case someone was checking back to see a new update.
Twila :)
My doctor says that realistically I will never work again so that by itself is a loss. Once the depression takes hold though, it's tough to talk about. I tend to think that people don't want to hear me "whin" about my problems. I also don't want to push my friends away because I am not the cheerful person that most people, I think would prefer.
I take medication for depression, as well as other disorders. I think the meds help me not to sink so low into the depressive state that I will never come out of it again.
I am going away for 4 days to the doctor to update my precriptions and get checked out. I will see if I can do a blog day for one of the days that I will be gone. I leave the night of the 25th and come back the night of the 27th. I guess that is only 2 days.
Well it's late where I am. I just wanted to post in case someone was checking back to see a new update.
Twila :)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Did I mention headaches?
Well I haven't written here for a few days because those pesky headaches are back again. They come and go but seem to get worse at the end of the day.
Today was a stressful day earlier in the day because my anxiety was so high. I was trying to get to an address that I had not been to before and I couldn't find my way. Oh, btw, I have anxiety attacks if I get lost or think I might be late for an appointment. Well, I don't think that has anything to do with Fibro. I think it's just my own hang ups and fears that have grown over years. So, maybe stress didn't help.
Headaches seem to be my worst enemy besides general pain. Oh, and the draft coming from my patio doors, well the rain isn't very nice to me either. But none the less, the day went on and I got through one more day. As usual, the voice from my granddaughter at her 'goodnight phone call' made me forget my pain for those moments. I had a wonderful visit from my daughter today as well so all in all it was a pretty good day. Better than most.
Keep you in touch tomorrow. Soon I will figure out how to File these posts so it is not such a long list.
God Bless and stay safe.
Today was a stressful day earlier in the day because my anxiety was so high. I was trying to get to an address that I had not been to before and I couldn't find my way. Oh, btw, I have anxiety attacks if I get lost or think I might be late for an appointment. Well, I don't think that has anything to do with Fibro. I think it's just my own hang ups and fears that have grown over years. So, maybe stress didn't help.
Headaches seem to be my worst enemy besides general pain. Oh, and the draft coming from my patio doors, well the rain isn't very nice to me either. But none the less, the day went on and I got through one more day. As usual, the voice from my granddaughter at her 'goodnight phone call' made me forget my pain for those moments. I had a wonderful visit from my daughter today as well so all in all it was a pretty good day. Better than most.
Keep you in touch tomorrow. Soon I will figure out how to File these posts so it is not such a long list.
God Bless and stay safe.
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Sleep Disturbances
Hi there.
It's 4 am and here I am. Awake. Once I wake up I can't go back to sleep. That's not to say that I don't have naps during the day though. Part of Fibromyalgia is fatigue and many people get chronic fatigue syndrome when they have Fibro. I don't know if I have the "syndrome" or not but often times during the day I get a wave of exhaustion that comes over me and I can't keep my eyes opened.
I have always been a light sleeper and not needed that many hours sleep during the night. The problem, my doctor says, with Fibro is that one never reaches a deep enough level of sleep that is required for healing and complete rest. I take meds to help me sleep and they work well to get me to sleep. 6 hours later though they must wear off and I wake up.
It's funny how a person learns to cope with each symptom individually. It would be pretty overwhelming to realize the number of ways that Fibro changes a persons lifestyle.
My sleeping patterns don't really affect anyone around me except maybe my grand daughter. She is very good though and if I get a wave of tiredness come over me, she lets me have a nap and then keeps herself busy on her Barbie web site. Kids are wonderful because they accept people just as they are. I wish I could do more things with her but a lot of things include outdoor activities (which is a topic for another blog post). As far as sleeping goes though, I am very lucky to have her understanding.
It's 4 am and here I am. Awake. Once I wake up I can't go back to sleep. That's not to say that I don't have naps during the day though. Part of Fibromyalgia is fatigue and many people get chronic fatigue syndrome when they have Fibro. I don't know if I have the "syndrome" or not but often times during the day I get a wave of exhaustion that comes over me and I can't keep my eyes opened.
I have always been a light sleeper and not needed that many hours sleep during the night. The problem, my doctor says, with Fibro is that one never reaches a deep enough level of sleep that is required for healing and complete rest. I take meds to help me sleep and they work well to get me to sleep. 6 hours later though they must wear off and I wake up.
It's funny how a person learns to cope with each symptom individually. It would be pretty overwhelming to realize the number of ways that Fibro changes a persons lifestyle.
My sleeping patterns don't really affect anyone around me except maybe my grand daughter. She is very good though and if I get a wave of tiredness come over me, she lets me have a nap and then keeps herself busy on her Barbie web site. Kids are wonderful because they accept people just as they are. I wish I could do more things with her but a lot of things include outdoor activities (which is a topic for another blog post). As far as sleeping goes though, I am very lucky to have her understanding.
Monday, September 17, 2007
Migraines
Good morning everyone.
I thought I would write about this today because the other night I was once again struck with one of those very inconvenient migraines. You know the kind? No light, no sounds, no phones and preferrably no traffic outside my patio doors.
Well Migraines or headaches are another symptom of Fibro that has developed for me over time. I don't know if it is directly related to stress or not but I will assume that it is. I have never taken a poll on stress and Fibro. If I could though, I would ask that anyone with Fibromyalgia who does NOT have stress in their lives, please raise your hand. I imagine that I would see an ocean of hands raised high in the air.
I don't pretend to know the why's of these symptoms (hense the links to those who might) but I do know how they affect my every day life. If I am curled up on my bed under my blanket so that the smallest bit of light does not reach my head, then it's a menace to my life and everyone in it. I have a store on Ebay which I can put a link to later, but on days like that, there is no chance that I can work. Well like a vicious circle, the stress from worrying about filling orders or the inability to do so, causes stress and then around and around it goes.
Most of the time the Migraine will only last a day and then over the next few days it gets duller and just remains as a normal every day headache. Finally after the headache goes away and I begin to feel normal again; wouldn't you know it, it rains and once again the other symptoms come back.
Remember the old saying; if it isn't one thing then it's another. Well in Fibro's case - if it isn't 3 things then it's 10.
There are many symptoms happening at one time in the body so I am never without a symptom. I would be very grateful to have just one at a time. Oh well, the day still goes on wether I have 1 symptom or 10.
I hope this page has been helpful. I don't yet have a lot of traffic to the blog but I am working on ways to spread the word that it is here.
Thank you for your email comments. Feel free to post any comments here if you feel inclined.
I thought I would write about this today because the other night I was once again struck with one of those very inconvenient migraines. You know the kind? No light, no sounds, no phones and preferrably no traffic outside my patio doors.
Well Migraines or headaches are another symptom of Fibro that has developed for me over time. I don't know if it is directly related to stress or not but I will assume that it is. I have never taken a poll on stress and Fibro. If I could though, I would ask that anyone with Fibromyalgia who does NOT have stress in their lives, please raise your hand. I imagine that I would see an ocean of hands raised high in the air.
I don't pretend to know the why's of these symptoms (hense the links to those who might) but I do know how they affect my every day life. If I am curled up on my bed under my blanket so that the smallest bit of light does not reach my head, then it's a menace to my life and everyone in it. I have a store on Ebay which I can put a link to later, but on days like that, there is no chance that I can work. Well like a vicious circle, the stress from worrying about filling orders or the inability to do so, causes stress and then around and around it goes.
Most of the time the Migraine will only last a day and then over the next few days it gets duller and just remains as a normal every day headache. Finally after the headache goes away and I begin to feel normal again; wouldn't you know it, it rains and once again the other symptoms come back.
Remember the old saying; if it isn't one thing then it's another. Well in Fibro's case - if it isn't 3 things then it's 10.
There are many symptoms happening at one time in the body so I am never without a symptom. I would be very grateful to have just one at a time. Oh well, the day still goes on wether I have 1 symptom or 10.
I hope this page has been helpful. I don't yet have a lot of traffic to the blog but I am working on ways to spread the word that it is here.
Thank you for your email comments. Feel free to post any comments here if you feel inclined.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Joint tenderness
Hello again.
Another one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia is Joint tenderness. "Tenderness?" you might ask. "tenderness is an understatment". You are right. Fibro pain can be worst than child birth pain. Well that's what I have always said because at least in childbirth you know that there will be an end.
There are so many symptoms of Fibro and just as many variations. I am going to use the symptoms as sort of a guideline for this blog. I want to, however, try to keep to a personal level so that any readers can identify on a personal level.
For me joint pain is best described as someone jabbing a sharp knife into you and then quickly pulling it out. The pain only lasts for a few seconds but it is sharp enough to cause you to yipe out in agony. Besides haveing pain that is generally a full body experience, which never lets up, this sharp joint pain hits all of a sudden and with no warning.
I often find myself sitting at a table enjoying a nice visit with someone and then suddenly I yell out in pain. It's only a quick yipe!!!! It's enough though to turn heads and stop the converstation in it's tracks. Then as if I am not embarassed enough, someone asks me "what happened". My mind races as it tries to find the stortest way to explain what just happened. "Oh it's nothing" I say, "It's just that darn Fibromyalgia". I get a strange look from them as they say "oh, ok" while they act as if they understand the word.
Have you ever broken your arm and everyone you know, don't know, are aquainted with, or encounter, asks you "what happened?". Well it's the same with Fibro. It's a long, long story that I have told over and over but can never seem to find a short version.
I can continue on with the topic shortly as it seems I am suddenly tired and am going to lay down for about 30 minutes.
Ttyl :)
Another one of the symptoms of Fibromyalgia is Joint tenderness. "Tenderness?" you might ask. "tenderness is an understatment". You are right. Fibro pain can be worst than child birth pain. Well that's what I have always said because at least in childbirth you know that there will be an end.
There are so many symptoms of Fibro and just as many variations. I am going to use the symptoms as sort of a guideline for this blog. I want to, however, try to keep to a personal level so that any readers can identify on a personal level.
For me joint pain is best described as someone jabbing a sharp knife into you and then quickly pulling it out. The pain only lasts for a few seconds but it is sharp enough to cause you to yipe out in agony. Besides haveing pain that is generally a full body experience, which never lets up, this sharp joint pain hits all of a sudden and with no warning.
I often find myself sitting at a table enjoying a nice visit with someone and then suddenly I yell out in pain. It's only a quick yipe!!!! It's enough though to turn heads and stop the converstation in it's tracks. Then as if I am not embarassed enough, someone asks me "what happened". My mind races as it tries to find the stortest way to explain what just happened. "Oh it's nothing" I say, "It's just that darn Fibromyalgia". I get a strange look from them as they say "oh, ok" while they act as if they understand the word.
Have you ever broken your arm and everyone you know, don't know, are aquainted with, or encounter, asks you "what happened?". Well it's the same with Fibro. It's a long, long story that I have told over and over but can never seem to find a short version.
I can continue on with the topic shortly as it seems I am suddenly tired and am going to lay down for about 30 minutes.
Ttyl :)
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Memory Loss
Hi, Yup I called this page "memory loss". No, I'm not into my senior years yet either. :) The books or pages that I have read all call this syptom memory loss but I would characterize it more as "word hide and seek".
Sometimes you might find yourself talking to someone and right in the middle of the sentence you suddenly stop. As you try to find the next word that you want, you notice that everyone is watching and waiting in suspense as if your pause will lead to something profound. lol Then just as quickly as the word "hid" from your memory, it comes jumping back into it.
"Oh ya," you say, "townhouses!!! yes that's what they are called", you exclaim.
Well so much for profound. lolol The first time this happens you might feel like you have suddenly lost your mind but believe me, over time as it happens more often, you might learn to make a joke about it. Everyone partaking in the conversation laughs and then goes on with the conversation. That's how it looks on the outside.
On the inside though, I felt stupid, embarrassed, and self concious. (Even as I write this blog I have to pause quite often to find the words that play "hide and seek" in my mind.)
My family all understand and have now, after 4 years, began to accept it as part of who I am now. I am not sure if those who read this blog have children or grandchildren, but it turns out that children are the most understanding and least judgemental about this disorder. My grand-daughter is included in that category.
As a result of this inner game of "hide and seek", I find myself avoiding groups of people who are haveing a conversation. I am not that big on group settings as it is, and this just makes it even more of a challenge for me. I find myself appologizing when I can't find a word, (as if it's actually my fault - which it isn't.) For me, I often get mad or frustrated at myself when I can't find a word because words played a big part in my creativity. I used to write poems, as my web site will demonstrate, and I used to write short stories or keep a journal of sorts. Now though, I find it frustrating that the words will not come to me as quickly as they used to before. Like most things, if it is something that causes stress or frustration, I tend to stray away from it.
That is how that particular symptom has affected me. Well, as far as I can remember at the moment that is. LOLOL
Have a wonderful day and God Bless.
Sometimes you might find yourself talking to someone and right in the middle of the sentence you suddenly stop. As you try to find the next word that you want, you notice that everyone is watching and waiting in suspense as if your pause will lead to something profound. lol Then just as quickly as the word "hid" from your memory, it comes jumping back into it.
"Oh ya," you say, "townhouses!!! yes that's what they are called", you exclaim.
Well so much for profound. lolol The first time this happens you might feel like you have suddenly lost your mind but believe me, over time as it happens more often, you might learn to make a joke about it. Everyone partaking in the conversation laughs and then goes on with the conversation. That's how it looks on the outside.
On the inside though, I felt stupid, embarrassed, and self concious. (Even as I write this blog I have to pause quite often to find the words that play "hide and seek" in my mind.)
My family all understand and have now, after 4 years, began to accept it as part of who I am now. I am not sure if those who read this blog have children or grandchildren, but it turns out that children are the most understanding and least judgemental about this disorder. My grand-daughter is included in that category.
As a result of this inner game of "hide and seek", I find myself avoiding groups of people who are haveing a conversation. I am not that big on group settings as it is, and this just makes it even more of a challenge for me. I find myself appologizing when I can't find a word, (as if it's actually my fault - which it isn't.) For me, I often get mad or frustrated at myself when I can't find a word because words played a big part in my creativity. I used to write poems, as my web site will demonstrate, and I used to write short stories or keep a journal of sorts. Now though, I find it frustrating that the words will not come to me as quickly as they used to before. Like most things, if it is something that causes stress or frustration, I tend to stray away from it.
That is how that particular symptom has affected me. Well, as far as I can remember at the moment that is. LOLOL
Have a wonderful day and God Bless.
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Day 2
Hi, well where to start? I will give some links to more clinical pages near the bottom for anyone who wants to know the general symptoms and information on Fibromyalgia. For me, it began about 6 years ago. I read somewhere that a physical trauma often triggers Fibro to set in. Where it was before that, I don't know. LOLOL Sitting in wait maybe.
For me it was a fall down a flight of stairs which seemed to be a bad fall but nothing that a few days rest wouldn't fix. I never broke any bones or anything. I continued working at my job. I worked graveyards and stood on my feet most of the night and cleaned a lot. I was very stubborn about sticking it out and working.
The pain in my legs, back, and shoulder subsided somewhat but didn't seem to quite go away completely. I thought maybe I could go to the doctor for some tylenol 3's or something just to get me through the next few weeks. I went through that regiment for 2 weeks and then I went back to the doctor and asked him if he knew why the pain was not going away. It was becoming more and more difficult to stand all night and my body began to ache after an 8 hour shift. This itself was very unlike me. I was used to working 2 or even 3 jobs at once without slowing down or having health issues.
At that time my doctor diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, which I had never heard of. I was confused. I didn't know what to expect or how this would affect my life. I wasn't sure how long it would last or how it might affect my relationship with my granddaughter, who was then about 2 years old.
I worked as long as I could until I found myself in tears half way through every shift because the pain throughout my body was more than my mind could ignore. Even still, I was determined to stick it out because I loved my job and had wonderful bosses. I didn't want to let them down by quitting. My bosses could see that I was in pain but at the time even I didn't know what Fibro really was so I couldn't explain why I was in so much pain. They let me have a chair to sit on in between cleaning, hoping that would help. It did help a great deal but as time went on (about 4 months) it was just too difficult to even clean. I felt that if I couldn't do the job that I was hired for then it was best for my workplace to hire someone who could do the job.
I wasn't sure how that would affect me in a financial way. My granddaughter was living with me full time and even with the help of Social Services, it would be difficult to provide for us both. I was 41 at the time and had claimed bankruptcy the year before so my conerns were quite valid.
And so began my journey of forced unemployment while looking after my granddaughter and dealing with the depression that came with losing the job that I enjoyed very much.
One of the things that Fibro affects, for me, is my memory. It wasn't that great to start with, hehehe. Some details come and go and sometimes not in order so I may go back and forth through time as I write my journey in here.
At first I had headaches which I blamed on the stress of the situation. Then as time went on I became more arthritic "like". My whole body ached from time to time. It wasn't until a few months later that I connected stress to my pain level. My daughter was battling with her own issues which had forced me to tell her to live somewhere else. Therefore the worry about where she was, what was she doing, was she cold, was she hungry, was she safe, and was she ever going to survive her delemma, were all part of my stress.
To be continued...........
I was diagnosed in 2003 and about 6 months later I had to quit my job. The "bad" days at that time were a lot farther apart than they are now. They say that Fibro is not a progressive disorder but it sure feels like it. As I mentioned stress plays a large roll in the day to day pain level I feel. I didn't really understand that or even believe that stress could be so dangerous until one day in the Summer of 2003. My daughter had give Courtney a kitten to look after since she herself didn't have a permanant residence in which to keep the kitten. Well, with Courtney being only about 3 you can guess who took care of the kitten. lol One summer day the door was left open and the Courtney had decided to take her new kitten for a walk around the little group of townhouses that we lived in. Courtney put the kitten down on the ground to go for a walk and as we all can expect, the kitten ran to the nearest tree and there it was............ gone!
I noticed that Courtney was not within earshot. It's amazing how fast such short legs can take those little people. lolol Well pretty soon I could hear her running back to the town house. "Gramma, Gramma help me!" she cried. Anxiously I asked her what was wrong. "Mommy's kitty went for a walk" she said with genuine concern in her voice. So around and around and around and around again, we walked the townhouse complex. No kitten to be seen. We asked the other kids on the block but no one had seen the kitten. We must have walked around that complex for 2 hours trying to find the lost kitten. What, you might ask, would cause me such great stress from just losing a kitten?
Since my daughter was somewhat unpredictable, I wasn't sure how she would deal with her pet being missing. Since she had put the little thing in my care (via Courtney) I felt responsible for the thing. Since I could not predict how she was going to react to the situation, my anxiety went through the roof, hence, so did my stress level. It was that evening after Courtney was in bed and the day was finally over, that I realized the impact that stress had on Fibro. My entire body ached from my headache to my ankles. As I sat at the table near the kitchen window, once again looking outside wondering if my daughter was safe, I could feel the pain travel through my whole body. That was the point that I decided the doctor must be right. After all, they don't know everything, I told myself. LOLOL Stress did play a big part in how much pain I felt in my body.
I can pick up again tomorrow but while I was off work anyways I created a web page years ago and on it is a page on Fibromialga with links that I found at that time. I will give a link here and if any of the links inside the web site do not work, please feel free to let me know.
http://rachael1060.tripod.com/id13.html
I hope that will give the background to the disorder that will make this blog easier to relate to. If you have Fibro yourself, feel free to make a post here and comment or ask any questions that you would like. I can only answer from my own experience but maybe just knowing your not alone will be a help.
For me it was a fall down a flight of stairs which seemed to be a bad fall but nothing that a few days rest wouldn't fix. I never broke any bones or anything. I continued working at my job. I worked graveyards and stood on my feet most of the night and cleaned a lot. I was very stubborn about sticking it out and working.
The pain in my legs, back, and shoulder subsided somewhat but didn't seem to quite go away completely. I thought maybe I could go to the doctor for some tylenol 3's or something just to get me through the next few weeks. I went through that regiment for 2 weeks and then I went back to the doctor and asked him if he knew why the pain was not going away. It was becoming more and more difficult to stand all night and my body began to ache after an 8 hour shift. This itself was very unlike me. I was used to working 2 or even 3 jobs at once without slowing down or having health issues.
At that time my doctor diagnosed me with Fibromyalgia, which I had never heard of. I was confused. I didn't know what to expect or how this would affect my life. I wasn't sure how long it would last or how it might affect my relationship with my granddaughter, who was then about 2 years old.
I worked as long as I could until I found myself in tears half way through every shift because the pain throughout my body was more than my mind could ignore. Even still, I was determined to stick it out because I loved my job and had wonderful bosses. I didn't want to let them down by quitting. My bosses could see that I was in pain but at the time even I didn't know what Fibro really was so I couldn't explain why I was in so much pain. They let me have a chair to sit on in between cleaning, hoping that would help. It did help a great deal but as time went on (about 4 months) it was just too difficult to even clean. I felt that if I couldn't do the job that I was hired for then it was best for my workplace to hire someone who could do the job.
I wasn't sure how that would affect me in a financial way. My granddaughter was living with me full time and even with the help of Social Services, it would be difficult to provide for us both. I was 41 at the time and had claimed bankruptcy the year before so my conerns were quite valid.
And so began my journey of forced unemployment while looking after my granddaughter and dealing with the depression that came with losing the job that I enjoyed very much.
One of the things that Fibro affects, for me, is my memory. It wasn't that great to start with, hehehe. Some details come and go and sometimes not in order so I may go back and forth through time as I write my journey in here.
At first I had headaches which I blamed on the stress of the situation. Then as time went on I became more arthritic "like". My whole body ached from time to time. It wasn't until a few months later that I connected stress to my pain level. My daughter was battling with her own issues which had forced me to tell her to live somewhere else. Therefore the worry about where she was, what was she doing, was she cold, was she hungry, was she safe, and was she ever going to survive her delemma, were all part of my stress.
To be continued...........
I was diagnosed in 2003 and about 6 months later I had to quit my job. The "bad" days at that time were a lot farther apart than they are now. They say that Fibro is not a progressive disorder but it sure feels like it. As I mentioned stress plays a large roll in the day to day pain level I feel. I didn't really understand that or even believe that stress could be so dangerous until one day in the Summer of 2003. My daughter had give Courtney a kitten to look after since she herself didn't have a permanant residence in which to keep the kitten. Well, with Courtney being only about 3 you can guess who took care of the kitten. lol One summer day the door was left open and the Courtney had decided to take her new kitten for a walk around the little group of townhouses that we lived in. Courtney put the kitten down on the ground to go for a walk and as we all can expect, the kitten ran to the nearest tree and there it was............ gone!
I noticed that Courtney was not within earshot. It's amazing how fast such short legs can take those little people. lolol Well pretty soon I could hear her running back to the town house. "Gramma, Gramma help me!" she cried. Anxiously I asked her what was wrong. "Mommy's kitty went for a walk" she said with genuine concern in her voice. So around and around and around and around again, we walked the townhouse complex. No kitten to be seen. We asked the other kids on the block but no one had seen the kitten. We must have walked around that complex for 2 hours trying to find the lost kitten. What, you might ask, would cause me such great stress from just losing a kitten?
Since my daughter was somewhat unpredictable, I wasn't sure how she would deal with her pet being missing. Since she had put the little thing in my care (via Courtney) I felt responsible for the thing. Since I could not predict how she was going to react to the situation, my anxiety went through the roof, hence, so did my stress level. It was that evening after Courtney was in bed and the day was finally over, that I realized the impact that stress had on Fibro. My entire body ached from my headache to my ankles. As I sat at the table near the kitchen window, once again looking outside wondering if my daughter was safe, I could feel the pain travel through my whole body. That was the point that I decided the doctor must be right. After all, they don't know everything, I told myself. LOLOL Stress did play a big part in how much pain I felt in my body.
I can pick up again tomorrow but while I was off work anyways I created a web page years ago and on it is a page on Fibromialga with links that I found at that time. I will give a link here and if any of the links inside the web site do not work, please feel free to let me know.
http://rachael1060.tripod.com/id13.html
I hope that will give the background to the disorder that will make this blog easier to relate to. If you have Fibro yourself, feel free to make a post here and comment or ask any questions that you would like. I can only answer from my own experience but maybe just knowing your not alone will be a help.
fibromyalgia and the effects on every day life
Hello those who reach this page. I hope to give some information here and provide some knowldege about the topic so family members can also understand your unseen condition. I can only talk from experience so what I say here is my own opinion unless I state my source.
A Link to a Web page that I began after I was diagnosed is in the upper right hand corner of this blog. There are other links to sites that give information about Fibromyalgia as well as a number of other links of general interest. On that web page is also a variety of poems that I have written over the years. Have fun and enjoy. Please do not copy the poems without expressed written consent.
A Link to a Web page that I began after I was diagnosed is in the upper right hand corner of this blog. There are other links to sites that give information about Fibromyalgia as well as a number of other links of general interest. On that web page is also a variety of poems that I have written over the years. Have fun and enjoy. Please do not copy the poems without expressed written consent.
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